Right, so I lied on my last blog when I said I would write back sooner. It's been two weeks and I haven't updated things once. That's mainly because I've been so tired and had so little time. But I've found a few minutes, so here goes...

Yesterday was the Eastbourne half marathon. Now usually I'd be full of bravado and say something along the lines of 'it was only a half marathon, so it was fine'. But truth be told, I really struggled. There are a number of reasons why this is the case. First of all, I trained hard last week. I ran home on Monday (17miles), played football at lunch on Tuesday, ran home Tuesday night and played football again on Wednesday and Thursday. I felt fine after the runs, but was a little run down (no pun intended) and my shins started to hurt again. After a busy weekend, the half marathon was daunting. And that was without realising what the hill was like at Eastbourne. It scared the bejezus out of me when I got to the top, because I realised the Jurassic coast would laugh at this one hill - and my legs were agony. Me being me, of course, I found the only dog shit on the road and stood on it. Well, slipped. It was one of those wet ones that works its way into the grooves on the trainers. The result was me running like a lunatic, dragging my foot behind me trying to get the dogger off. What was worse (and this is gospel truth) was that a fella who had 'I HAVE POOR SIGHT' written on his vest and a guide said "even I saw that dog poo on the hill". Talk about rubbing it in. All I could smell was crap for about 4 miles.

Anyway, I got round. In gale force headwinds, in a disappointing 1hour 32minutes or thereabouts. I came 55th out of 850 - so top 6 or so per cent.

Now, what I decided to do a couple of weeks ago was video a run home. I thought it'd be interesting (for me at least) to share my thoughts on my run, so anyone who reads this can visualise what happens on my run, and the stuff that goes through my mind.

I'm struggling with uploading a video and embedding it in to this page, so can only give links, I'm afraid. Which means you have to click it and then go to Photobucket and watch, then come back and continue to read... All that effort!

They're pretty self explanatory, and you can view them here:

http://is.gd/9ZcWw

I was going to write more - about what I've been eating, how I've been neglecting my fiance and my sanity, and how I cried a bit when I ran last week, because I realised the enormity of the various things I'm doing. It wasn't because I was in pain (although I was), but I had one of those moments when I realised just how proud my old man would have been if he were around. I'm no longer running to gain his respect and recognition like I did when I was a kid, but to recognise him as one of the biggest influences in my life. I'll admit with my overriding masculinity that it's a bit wimpy and I used to find it hard to admit. But sometimes I can zone out, and when I'm struggling I tend to muster up emotion to get me through. Sometimes it's manifested in anger. Other times, it's tranquility. And then sometimes, it gets pretty raw and I'm tiggered into forgetting that I'm running. Those are the times that my mind wanders, and I think about things I would usually choose to surpress. It sounds morbid, but I imagine what must go through someone's mind for them to kill themselves, how they must be feeling at that time and the loneliness that encapsulates them. What was going through my dad's mind as he did it? Is there really nothing that could have been done? And if he were around now, in whatever form, would he regret what he did? But... BUT... These aren't negative thoughts, because I use them as encouragement, as an inspiration to continue through what is a relative pain, a relative feeling of loneliness and a relatively easy task compared to what others might go through at times. Because all these relative feelings of mine are complete within a matter of hours or days. And I feel elation when they're over. Someone who chooses to die, who lives in depression has that world 24/7. The pain I choose ends when I want it to. Others don't have/didn't have the luxury of that choice.

But anyway, I'm exhausted and need to get some sleep... So I'll save talk of my toilet habits for next time.

Remember, comments, encouragement and sponsorship are always welcome

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