A guide to the Internet for students

Feb

12

Netflix

As a student, Netflix is 'bae'. It's the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think about at night (slight exaggeration/true analysis of my obsession). But, choosing things for your viewing pleasure is of the upmost importance. Commit to a film, you'll be doing seminar prep in the early hours of the morning, watch a TV programme with 30 minutes episodes, you'll be left unsatisfied and wanting your next Netflix fix. Watching something everybody else has seen ages before you is either a great conversation starter or a recipe for disaster with spoilers flying at you from here, there, and everywhere at pre-drinks. Choosing the right moment to turn onto the page is crucial as well: watching The Walking Dead whilst home alone as the rest of your house is off sinking 5 Jager Bombs for £5 in The Haunt will leave you barricading the front door and raiding the kitchen in case of a zombie apocalypse. Discovering the Nicholas Sparks films on Netflix late at night will result in your housemates thinking you're as emotionally stable as the girl in 'Mean Girls' ("I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles"). My only suggestion is not to watch Netflix in the library as people will want your computer and they will be wanting you to die.

Instagram and Snapchat

As a student, be sure to only post either the most exotic meal you and your housemates have cooked- I'm talking at least two different vegetables, served on a palm tree leaf- or some low quality videos of yourself having the absolute best time in the club, N.B. screeching lyrics to a song will earn extra likes. Exam period is the prime time to get in really academic looking selfies: glasses on, hair up and as many of your textbooks and stationery items as you can fit in the background. Pre-drinks photos are an absolute must- show off how wild you are with a variety of Tesco Value spirits and some naughty Diet Lemonade. 

Facebook

As a first year, it's completely acceptable to add people you glanced at from 10 rows behind them in a lecture and found the back of their heads on the student directory, or adding the person you bonded with at a flat party over living in the same home county. However, in second year stalking is only successful if somebody has lacklustre Facebook security and you accomplish looking at their prom photos from 2011. One honest piece of advice is to avoid club promoters unless you want incessant invites on a par with the level of notifications from the Farmville epidemic.

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